impalpable

2009-10-28T07:52:00.000+08:00

怎么隐藏我的悲伤
失去妳的地方
妳的发香散的匆忙
我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛还能看见
你离去的痕迹
在月光下一直找寻
那想念的身影
如果说分手是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前
我愿意再爱一遍
想要对妳说的不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白
我会发着呆然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天会有人代替
让我不再想念你
我会发着呆然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
又想那一年妳温柔的脸
在我忘记之前

闭上眼睛还能看见
你离去的痕迹
在月光下一直找寻
那想念的身影
如果说分手是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前
我愿意再爱一遍
想要对妳说的不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白
我会发着呆然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天会有人代替
让我不再想念你
我会发着呆然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天会有人代替
让我不再想念你
我会发着呆然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
又想那一年妳温柔的脸
在我忘记之前
心里那眼泪模糊了视线
你已经看不见

2009-10-14T08:31:00.003+08:00

you neva really cared
if you did u wldnt hav let me go in e first place
and on all the other occasions as well
you will neva understand what it is like to be let go over and over again
to always be at e receivin end
to always noe tt i'm not worth fightin for
to always be reminded that u will neva love me enuff
that i will neva be able to comprehend how u can let me go so easily
coz the thot of losin u juz hurts too much to bear
that i will always wonder how you are
wonder what you are up to
wonder who is the gal you're eventually gonna marry
the gal who isnt me, and i havta keep remindin myself tt
no matter how i wish she were me, i can neva be her

that i noe tt u will neva understand what it feels like for me
that you prob will neva be able to relate to this song
coz i didnt let u go, but u did

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

2009-10-13T12:38:00.001+08:00

its funny how u used to say that we'd always be intricately linked somehow
i guess it clearly isn't so anymore
that i will neva noe if life has been good to you
and that u'd neva noe abt mine either

2009-10-06T13:36:00.002+08:00

this was created for the both of us
but i guess u forgot all abt it
it hurts
i cant help but wonder how you are
but i noe tt i'd havta stop thinkin abt you eventually

2009-10-04T12:41:00.000+08:00

i need to move on
tt's wad i keep tellin myself
but it's so hard to

2009-09-30T09:16:00.002+08:00

i'm so fuckin pissed with you
fuckin pissed that you can do this to me
why are e tears only comin now
im so angry jaesung
so fuckin angry it hurts
hurts like it only happened juz yesterday
why tell me tt u'd fight fr me n leave me hangin like this
i noe tt u're nt good for me
i noe it myself
i ne tt u will neva fight for me
i noe tt you will neva be the man for me
but why, why does it still hurt so much
i thot wen u said tt u'd fight fr me, u meant them
tt u'd fight fr me like how i fought for u
tt u'd come surprise me and prove to me tt this time u really mean it
but u dun
u dun mean it
i tell myself tt i muz move on coz i deserve better
tt i will finally find a man who loves me enuff
who will fight for me like how i wld for him

2009-09-23T09:35:00.002+08:00

i feel you my lord
i wanna feel you all around me
till my empty vessel is overflowin with my love fr you
that i will find joy and peace in your presence

Back to the start, my heart is heavy
Feels like it's time, to dream again
I hear your voice, and yes Im ready
To dance upon this barren land
Hope in my hands

Do not shut, Do not shut, Do not shut the heavens
But open up, open up, open up our hearts

Give me strength to cross the water
Keep my heart upon your altar
Give me strength to cross this water
Keep my feet dont let me falter

lead me back to you oh lord, lead me back into your kingdom

2009-09-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

i miss you
i won't deny
but i noe tt i need to do this for myself
i wont do ath this time, if u really can fight for me,
then we'd meant to be
but i'm scared to carry tt hope
coz i'm scared to trust u again

2009-09-21T15:49:00.001+08:00

courage to let go
but strength over time to move on

2009-09-21T01:42:00.001+08:00

you neva fought for me before
not once
not even tonite

2009-09-21T01:19:00.002+08:00

it was our anniversary
u cld say tt it was ironic, how it all came to a full circle
tt in the end, u still chose to let me go.
somehow i wish it cld hav been different
that for once u cld be e man i wished for u to be,
and i cld finally be e gal that means enuff to you
that i will finally be worth fightin for,juz this once
that just this once, u cld hav told me a different story
that you wld hav put up a fight at least, to at least try and keep my by your side
but u still chose to let me go
i guess it really juz shows tt you dun love me enuff, coz if i really mean smt u wld hav fought for me. you would have done everything u cld, like how i cld call you each time, beg you, sent you letters after letters fr mths, juz beggin you to stay with me, tt if i cld hav fought so hard for you becoz my love for you meant so much,
and yet tonite, u cldnt even call me, u cldnt even wait till u saw me face to face
u juz ended it all in a text. i guess i really meant so lil that your attempt to fight for me was juz futile texting only. and to think the way i fought for you, i fought for you for the past two years, i fought with everything i had, i gave everything i had, i loved you with everything i had, and i really thot tt all that wld hav at least meant smt to you, at least smt enuff tt is not dispensable in a single text msg. that you would hav at least fought for me with even half of the ferocity i had. but no, it was juz one fuckin text msg to end it all. even then
i was so tempted to call u, to ask u why, like how i have done on too many occassions in e past, crying n asking you why we cldnt make it work. but i didnt tonight.
coz i knew that if i were to do it again tonite, i wldnt be any different than i was.

2009-09-16T09:18:00.003+08:00

i guess time will heal all wounds,i wish i cld heal u of ur pain
that if i were e one hurtin, u'd be hurtin juz as i am
you remind me in so many ways of myself, that we are more alike than i thot we were
i love you so dearly, that i dun wish fr u to be hurtin like this anymore
but it's all part of life my dear,
tt i'd wish for you to be happy more than anything else, but more importantly,
i want you to pick urself up,
to stand tall and face the world
and lastly,tt u will one day learn to love bravely again
you're stronger than u think you are
and u're braver than i am
it requires courage to let go
but greater strength to move on
you'll neva be alone in this coz i'll always be here for you, forever, time is nothing.

2009-09-07T16:18:00.004+08:00

its been a while hasnt it?
a while since we last did smt tgh
a while since we both made e effort to make it all worthwhile
i noe we're both gonna try..
but i cant help but feel the both of u slippin thru my fingers
and i'm tryin so hard to keep you within my grasp,
i can't help but feel selfish
that i'm not being fair to anyone
the guilt is eatin at me, one day it will consume me,
and i might end up losin the man i love so dearly
i do not noe wad i want anymore
this riot of conflictin emotions are cloudin my judgement
blurrin my faith, shroudin my mind
i wish for you to be happy
i love you too much that losin u will only be too painful
but are we doin ath? i'm afraid that we're both too afraid to admit it, that we may hav actually given up a long time ago.
that wad we're holdin on to is juz a love that once burned so brightly
but we're slowly dyin, dimmering, fadin..
i wish i knew
i wish i had all e answers
i wish u knew too
then u'd be able to tell me now, tell me wad i really want coz i really don't noe anymore

2009-05-14T23:12:00.002+08:00

boo!!!

so how hav u been!! i wish u were back sooner!
ok so today marks e end of my 3 days stint at imdex,weird borin convention, i seriously met all sorta ppl! like seriously! hailin from all walks of life.
like i saw so many pakistani navy ppl, i reckon they've all been cooped up too long in e submarines! coz they keep wantin to take pics w me, which i've reluctanly agreed of coz. n some weird guy gave me pakistani currency, he said its for memory!?
like i dun care abt ur currency.
n my boss has many weird frens! like weird taiwanese frens who walk ard nervously alla time! but i kinda like his old japanese frens, more like grandfatherly figures to me, like they ask me abt my sch, n my bf! lol! hahah they're so funny!
n lastly, my boss keeps his stash of money in his underwear,unfortunately i had e opportunity to witness him diggin thru his underpants to pay e agency lady! of which he sheepishly proclaims as a preventive measure taken after been robbed in south africa! LOL! so yeah, wad a hella events in these 3 days, boring but refreshing rilly. i miss you! n i love you! r u countin down to e day u're seein meee!!

2009-04-18T22:49:00.003+08:00

i wonder if u even read our blog now..
apparently not

i rem only writin weneva i was upset
weneva i felt like i cldnt stand these turmoil of emotions within me.
i'd take out a piece of paper and let my emotions flow thru the words,vanish between the lines, with only ink on the paper bearing remnents of my fleeting feelins.

i still enjoy writin, i love the mellifluous flow of words, the beautiful string of words wearing my array of emotions, displaying my thoughts to the world.
i almost miss writing to you in e most primitive of ways, juz a pen and me, on paper.
its on a night like this i would be writin to you, i thot u wld understand tt i've grown tts why, i've learnt to see things in a different perspective, tt gettin upset over not receivin ur call or not gettin to see you wldnt change ath else but only add on to the misery.

i rem gettin upset every other sunday wen i didn't get ur call, i wld take out another piece of paper to tell u how u've let me down yet again. or how i'd send another of my letters tellin u how u've disappointed me coz i haven been receivin ur letters. it was tirin en, so tirin. it drained me. drained e both of us. i cldnt see ath past tt. maybe tt's why you find it so amazin now tt suddenly i'm not complainin anymore, tt suddenly i'm not sendin all those hateful and painful letters. coz i'm different now. its pointless fightin against wad cant be done, wen its so much better to juz take it in my stride n look at the brighter side of things.
it still isnt easy for me to wait like this, there're nights like this that gets me down, but i juz remind myself tt its really pointless gettin upset, tt there are many things out there i can be happy abt.

its all abt embracin change, i'm embracin wadeva change i'm forced to go thru.
i'd take this as my rite of greater independence.
i guess then wad is amazin is witnessin this change in myself. dun u think?
how hav u grown my love in this period we've been apart?
how do u think our relationship has grown? its crucial i think to always reflect, coz only en can u truly grow..to look back n see e difference.
i think we've weathered storms, tt i've taken beatins i neva knew i cld shoulder, tt i've emergered a weaker n stronger person. tt i dunoe wad i want in life, tt i need to find my direction, tt i'm constantly lookin for my direction. tt in life its hard to do it alone, tt its easier to hav someone to grow wif, so grow with me..and lets amaze each other everyday..

i love you

2009-03-24T22:49:00.001+08:00

dearest ajs

hello?!!?! our blog has gone stagnant now babyyyyyy! hav u even been readin our blog?!!?!!!?!!!!?!?!!?! horrible old boy!!!
blog soon alriteee! i miss u!

i love you

2009-02-11T18:16:00.003+08:00

dearest darlin old boy,

i reckon e only time u would be readin this is moments before bookin in, i noe the dread, the nagging feelin...but u wld be fine, look how far u've come now, u're made it this far alr old boy,all the times u went thru shit, the cold! they're nth! u can do it! u can! coz u're old boy now! no longer my baby! but my old boy!! i love you my old boy! i love you to bits!!!
i'm thankful, thankful for everything, dun eva put urself down if u hav hurt me, its all in e past now, and how would i eva noe wad joy feels like if i've never experienced pain? i wld neva noe laughter without sadness, and love without hate...
so be grateful for everything, and i am..i am grateful that we hav e opportunity to right our wrong, to learn from our mistakes, i noe tt we're both not the perfect or best of lovers, i hav my stubborn flaws and so do u..but love really is juz learnin how to love an inperfect person perfectly isnt it baby..we're still learnin and takin baby steps..keep running, keep holdin my hand, so we dun get separated( haha! i rem u doin e runnin action on e bus ride home juz now wen we were listenin to e runnin song! u're so cute pupbear!! i'll miss all your cute goofy ways! all e stoopid stuff we do tgh! the stoopid dares we do by playin pahwee bahwee boo! hahahaha)

we hav really come this far, its amazin isnt it darlin...time will past in a flurry and u'd be back in my arms once more..this time we'd have all the time to heal tgh, to be strong tgh, to make it up to each other and to juz love each other...i see your love for me wen u look me in the eyes,it's almost like u can look right into my soul, my heart and noe how much i love you too..the way ur eyes twinkle wen u're lookin at me, and ur smile juz takes my breath away..i will miss you darlin, as always, so please do take good care of urself and dun make babylove worry ok, dun anyhow jump here n there, the snow will start to melt so it will be really slippery, be careful alrite baby,and take good care of ur health for me, stay warm and stay safe till u come back safely to me

i love you darlin,
jus noe tt no matter wad happens, we'll make it thru
somehow after all e shit we've been thru, i really do think its right wen u say tt we're like veterens, there's juz nth too huge or too tough for us to handle anymore
jus as long as we stay tgh..

lovealways
babylove =)
*hugs my baby! and gives him all my warmth!*

baby baby

2009-02-04T09:05:00.002+08:00

dearest ajs

u're prob sleeping rite now...and i'm missing you..
i'm gonna meet you later, and i can't wait to see you, its like i cant wait for time to pass fast enuff so i can meet u, and wen i do, i juz wish time would stand still, so that i can be with you for as long as i want without glancin at the time and realisin tt its time for us to part again..
i love spendin time with you, you make me laugh so easily, i feel so happy wen i'm with you! do u feel e same darlin?
i juz wish we'd neva havta part...and with each passing day, i'm missing you more and more...coz u're leavin soon baby...i think i juz will neva get used to you leavin, no matter how many times u do it, it still tugs on my heart strings...
i love you always

lovealways
babylove

2009-01-23T11:06:00.000+08:00

when r u comin back??????????????????????????????????
boooooo...

2009-01-01T15:22:00.000+08:00

you are the happy in my happy new year!!

Happy new year!

2008-12-29T23:54:00.002+08:00

my new fav song, heard it from private practice, its like e older n more mature version of grey's..its not too bad really
i'm missing you

2008-12-25T23:10:00.002+08:00

i'm not supposed to be like this
coz i've learned better then to let history repeat itself
but its juz tonight
that missing you gets hard
maybe it was so close, too close, that havin to lose it before my very eyes,
our very eyes made it all worse, and too hard to bear
but this time i know its not just me, i've learned that too
i noe you're juz as upset, but u're bein strong for me, for us
i love you darlin

2008-12-16T15:16:00.002+08:00

it wld hav been 7 days

do you think we're not fated to spend xmas and e new year tgh? somehow smt always crops up? like i realised for the past 3 yrs we didnt spend them tgh..
i only rem spendin them tgh durin our first yr tgh, haha i rem trollin the streets of orchard with our spray foam cans in hand..and the new year too
i think we fought on xmas on our 2nd yr, and i spent e new year wif my cousins, and i received ur text msg late in e nite wishin me a happy new year..we spent the third year mostly apart, we broke up before xmas..and i cried on new year's day coz i thot u wld call me at least to wish me but u didn't....

it didnt feel that long ago really, even thou it's been a year now..i still hav the letter u noe, the green piece of paper you wrote on to tell me u didn't want me anymore...maybe i wld show it to u wen u come back next..baby, u wldnt leave me again would u??

2008-12-15T10:36:00.001+08:00

do u even read our blog anymore?
i guess u dun hav e time either, i shd scrape all the countdowns now.

2008-12-10T12:37:00.003+08:00

hol's been boring!
its mundane
almost routined boring
im trying to find stuff to fill these endless pockets of boredom
i've watched like almost every possible sitcom, serial.
it's times like these i juz wish you were back here,
only for e selfish purpose of keepin me entertained.

you noe how frens abandon frens wen they get attached!
hp is doin that to me now! but i can hardly blame her wen i hav
personally advocated such behaviour on my own frens 3 years ago!
i can only be thankful that those frens are still my frens now 3 years down e rd, so i shd be patient wif that currently crazily in love hp stuck in a bubble of new found love and euphoria, i'll juz wait for tt bubble to burst! oh no, i'm not like tryin to rain on her parade or smt thou i'm really startin to sound like an over possessive gal fren now, but tts not true! its juz tt i dun really like mr yeo u noe! he's startin to giv me bad vibes!
n i find it particularly annoyin wen she tries to be shady and hide things from us u noe! i dunoe why she's like bein so secretive! i rem how i rang up claresta and texted my other girlies,yes janice included, wen we shared our first kiss! LOL!
i dunoe why she feels like she has to hide from us!! we're like her best gal frens! we helped the two of them get tgh! the least she cld hav done was repay us wif well-deserved gossip material! of which u wld gladly and eagerly pry from me coz i hav a bitchy galfren for a boyfren! but i think we suit each other juz fine liddat!
speakin of which, gossipin serves as a common platform for ppl to bond,coz wen ppl gossip about others they feel a personal connection wif their fellow nosey gossiper, and gossipin doesnt have to mean vicious stab in your back, two sided bitchyness speadin malicious rumors, no! haha! i'm juz tryin to justify gossipin, so its really juz inevitable, its like part of social communication and interaction! its like part of hi, how are you lately, insert , see ya ard, bye, everyone gossips, even liars gossip, they juz lie abt not gossipin! in fact gossipin is the best way to tell the person u're gossipin wif that i trust you so i'm sharin this valuable information wif you, and tt makes him/her feel exclusively special for tt brief mmt, of which he/she can go on to share tt privilege wif someone else! so gossipin really is like a universal soroity! it doesnt pract prejudices or
exclusitivty, save for the subject of the gossip. HAhahaha! but i'd still like to think tt wen i gossip i'm juz sharin my personal opinion wif ppl who can choose to or not to take my stand, i'm not exactly brainwashin peeps wif e intent to harbour animosity! so where is the evil in gossipin?? we're all juz tryin to preach our perceived version of the truth! and theres really no one to blame when the truth itself is a huge grey area, almost too vast tt another lengthy debate on it wld fail or take foreva to explain either. so yeah, gossipin is a grey area, present, and essential as the grey matter is vital to all our us. LOL

counting down

2008-12-10T12:31:00.002+08:00

14 days and counting....

i can't wait to dance!

you're so gonna join me at o school wen you're back!!!
haha! i can only imagine you trying to move and stay in sync with the rest of the dancers, we'll see then baby!
in the mean time you can listen to my fav dance track now, britney's back and better than eva! i cant wait to see her new dance routine!
i know that you've been busy! but take care sweetheart! and come home safely!!

2008-12-05T22:22:00.001+08:00

missing you
and i'm still missing you
i'm juz missing you
i'm missing every single lil detail about you
from your smile to your scent
i'm missing you

2008-11-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

you don blog
is it normal for girls to be addicted to porn?
why does my right hand hurt when i write too much?
is my body ageing now that i've stopped exercising for awhile
i'm thinkin if i shd straighten my hair or reperm it
my hair's fraying at the ends
do i look nice with short hair
how come it doesn't matter to you, don't you hav a look you prefer?
my right hand hurts
something is terribly wrong with me
i'm looking at my phone but it's not gonna ring anytime soon
i wanna slp
it'd be an hour before its janice's and sarah's birthday
what would i do for my 21st birthday
its important and something grand
should i throw a party
would u plan a surprise party for me like how pris is plannnin one for janice,
the party is tmr and she has no clue, how cool
where is my diamond ring
i'm not materialistic
i juz like a ring,coz i lost the couple ring
nonetheless diamond ring
where is your ring
u lost it too. prove it and wear it the next time too then
i miss you
my right hand really hurts
like seriously
liting is not meant to lead a hard life
coz even excessive use of a pen can injure her
itcan only mean one thing
you will take care of me for the rest of mylife
would u?

look after you

2008-11-08T04:24:00.002+08:00

If I don't say this now
I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one
I want to take
Forgive the urgency but
Hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oooh, Oooh,
Be my baby
Oooooh.
Oooh, Oooh,
Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love,
So few come and don't go
Will you want to ,
Be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control,
The city spins around
You're the only one
Who knows, you slow it down

If ever there was a doubt
My love, she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

do you remember this song? i rem tellin you how it was my favourite song, and it still is

it's 4.26 am and i'm missing you

2008-10-30T22:53:00.002+08:00

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

this quote will always mean something to the both of us, remember how we fought over the one, it made me realise then tt the one doesn't just magically appear before your eyes fufilling all your needs, wants and desires. but rather you grow to love the one..it took the both of us so long to see it didn't we darlin, but i'm gald we finally did..

2008-10-26T01:25:00.003+08:00

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

its my favourite song now..
and u're like my star darlin baby,
always there fr me
do u noe tt stars are always up in e sky, juz becoz you dun see them it doesn't mean they're not there, they're juz more obvious so in the night
so juz becoz you're not here fr me now, i noe you're always there fr me too
guidin me wen it gets dark, and wen life gets me down
and i'll just be like a star across your sky
always shining for you only

2008-10-25T23:26:00.001+08:00

tsk tsk tsk
i dun see ur entries
i'm so disappointed
i wonder if u even read mine!

2008-10-23T18:17:00.000+08:00

Absence diminishes small loves, and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire.

2008-10-20T20:49:00.002+08:00

i hope u're checkin in regularly!!!
coz its a special day today!! its our anniversary!!
happy anniversary sweetheart, how ironic is it tt i was preechin to u juz not long ago abt lesson no 1.be it the good times or e bad times we muz stand by each other, coz i almost forgot abt it like an hr ago and sent u those horrid emails! sorry sweetheart! but i rem em now!
so for better or worse, i'll stand by you, the only man i'll love in this lifetime...
i love you darlin, always

hahah! so lesson no. 2 wld be
to make sure tt lesson no 1 is carried out first! before movin on to the third lesson! hahah!!

2008-10-18T01:09:00.002+08:00

it's not the breakin up that hurts, but the process of truly lettin go..

i could only imagine her pain, the pain that was not too long ago almost as familiar, and too close to heart.
but all that's left of it is its lingerin scent, a scent that seems too far in my past now, till today.

i know what it feels like to wonder to yourself when things wld eva be the same again, to question the day you could think of him and not find tears in your eyes, to seek for the answers that only time could tell..and only to find yourself asking again when would that time be..

it's a viscious cycle that you find yourself entangled in. you could fool yourself into thinkin you're fine for days, for weeks, or even months on ends,only to find yourself back at square one, where it still hurts the same, where the pain feels like it hasn't subsided one bit, the wound that still leaves you so achingly raw,ripped open and vulnerable.

i never had the chance to walk out of it myself, coz you came back for me, and for that i'm thankful. so i can only imagine how she muz still be tryin so hard to free herself from this painful entanglement of dispair,and hope. and how much it still hurts her,as it came back to haunt her again, this fateful night.

2008-10-17T18:53:00.003+08:00

hahaah! i noe! i noe!! u mentioned tt i bastard u in e email so u cld indirectly tell babylove tt u check e blog too rite, coz there isn't any entry, so tt's e only way to notify me tt u've read my entries!
im full!! and wad is next mon??

2008-10-16T22:15:00.001+08:00

do you noe wad next mon is baby???

pouts..i feel horrible, too much junk and no proper nutrition makes babylove a sick gal...

being home alone is not fun after the 24 hr mark

2008-10-14T20:15:00.002+08:00

hahaah!
first things first, i didn't noe jaesung checked our blog on a frequent basis!
so i assumed u hav not read my lastest post!!! hahah! pardon me for making such an assumption as i only assumed u checked as frequent as u blogged.jkin darlin! HAHAHAAH!
ooo darlin baby! wad wld i do without u! juz wad wld babylove do without her pupbear..

right~~~

2008-10-14T18:55:00.002+08:00

i told u told me that u updated the blog?! but that was like so long ago??
n u had the cheeks to tell me that u updated it?
nvm. i'll slap u when i get back! or u better blog more!
and u still promised. that u will graduate with hons.
keep it.

2008-10-11T19:42:00.002+08:00

hhaha! u dun get why i'm waiting for you? becoz u're my everything too, and i am incomplete without you, so i'll keep waiting, coz only you can complete me..
baby, if the situation is reversed, wld u wait for me too??
well, maybe its becoz i noe you can't call me or write to me often, so i dun see a point in gettin upset over smt u hav no control over, its pointless really
but it wld be a lie to say tt it didn't upset me in e past,
but rather than mope ard fr the calls and emails tt dun come, i've learnt to reap happiness from the calls and emails tt i've received, albeit them being very sporadic and random, but when i do get them , it really makes my day!!
maybe u can't unravel the enigma of true love yet, coz u dun possess em? geez! isnt tt bad!! it means u dun love me like true love yet!!??
oh no, am i thinkin too much again??
pls let me know! hahah!

what?!

2008-10-11T18:31:00.002+08:00

i'm online now and you're not home yet. and your phone's off. sher tells me to write you an email ya. hahahahahaha~~ she REMINDS me to write you an email. how nice is tat?! but ya~ i jus dun feel like writing an email so i'm here writing on our blog! and guess what. u bastard me?! it is always a pleasant surprise to see an entry on our blog. but i leave the blog with disappointment MOST of the time becos our princess doesn't feel the need to blog! it's getting cold around here now. my hands are so cold now honey.. winter's just around the corner ya. i have like 7 months left now honey. time flies eh. and the most important thing is that u waited for me till now. it's like unbelievable ya. i wonder sometimes.. what do you see in me that you're waiting for me? it's not like i can see you every other week. call you every other day. honestly, we never get to talk to each other much. and u arent throwing much tantrums at me for not calling often enuff and stuff. although u arent sending me any letters nowadays! (i'm jus jking here) i just wanna thank you for waiting for me ya. no one likes to wait. hahahaha~~ i get so angry when i had to wait for u for like an hour and stuff. i feel sorry now la! eeyer! u're jus so special? fantastic? wonderful? nice? i dunno honey! u're everything! my everything! i love you loads and i'm always thankful for everything that u have sacrificed for me. and sorry too. i always feel thankful and apologetic because u always give me ur everything even when i did not. u're the walking evidence of true love honey! albeit u not willing to die for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha~~ that was a joke too honey! i love u so so so much!

2008-10-08T20:52:00.002+08:00

i dunoe wen u'd be readin this, since its been stagnant fr so long, thanks to ajs's non existent contributions..haha, ok i shan't bastard you on OUR blog, hahahaha!

oh darlin, juz wen i thot i cldn't love you any more than i alr do now
somehow i stil find myself fallin deeper every single time,
it's amazing how you make fallin in love with you so easy

i'm still fallin in love with you, every single day

lets stay tt way, you and me, fall in love with me baby, till e end of time

vienna

2008-09-07T22:42:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70HuGYAPIVQ

its a beautiful song even though its rilly quite depressin
do u noe wad this song is about? tell me wad u think abt it k?
i wanna noe how u've chosen to interpret it, and i'll share mine wif u
e lyrics r rilly simple, and yet so deep in its meaning, so subtly poignant

The day's last one-way ticket train pulls in
We smile for the casual closure capturing
There goes the downpour
There goes my fare thee well

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me'
Cause I'm already gone

There's so many words that we can say
Spoken upon long-distance melody
This is my hello
This is my goodness

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me'
Cause I'm already gone

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
But this is the distance
And this is my gameface

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
Is there really no way to reach me?
Am I already gone?
So this is your maverick
And this is Vienna

countdown

2008-09-07T11:40:00.002+08:00

ooo!
lets do a countdown baby! thou i dun really noe wen exactly u're coming back to see me!
but we can do a countdown till u book out yeah!
so from today till u book out is only, shd i unclude today as well? or countdown from like tmr? i think we countdown from like tmr till the day before u book out? coz u officially get to come out on e 16th rite? so its! *drum rolls pls*

8 days!

yeah soon soon soooonnnn!!!! very sooon!!!
*bites ajs!*

2008-08-31T17:40:00.002+08:00

it's funny how u mentioned tt i haven been bloggin!
how abt u honey! u haven blogged either! hav u been lazy!
wad do u normally do wen i'm not online, but u're online waitin fr me huh?

i miss u!!

2008-07-27T23:34:00.002+08:00

babybaby!!!
its ok! i noe u're upset now but u'll feel better k!
thank you for bloggin!!
u finally rem tt our first movie was weddin crashers huh!
i love you darlin!
sweetdreams n kisses from me darlin,
tmr will find u in a cheery happy mood alrite!
coz babylove will will all her happy positive love energy from singapore all e way to korea!!
so be ready to be overwhelmed by my love!!
it's all ard u, u'll feel it! coz i'm always in ur heart! rem tt
u have my heart darlin
and i have ur shiny heart too!! rem! haha
i love you! =)

like finally~~~

2008-07-27T11:00:00.002+08:00

yeah~ as i said i couldnt blog becos i didnt know the password. but now i know the password so i'm blogging! all the times u asked me to blog. and i finally get to blog. i'm back from training! it was one of the most f-ed up training. they knew it was gonna freaking rain. but they didnt order us back to camp. and ya. it really rained like shit. it was pouring. we had to keep hitting the tent roof to let the water down thru the night. damn tent was always on the verge of collapsing. so they woke us up at 3 am. ordered us out of tent to take cover at another camp. we spent the night at the camp church. and we were still not ordered to return to camp. kept pouring the whole night. the regiment commander ordered us to go ahead as shecduled. can u freaking believe it??? then after that go thru the 25km road march in the pouring rain. i dun f-ing believe the shit they make us go thru. sigh~~~ anyways our battalion commander ordered us back to camp. so it was ok in the end. but we still had to walk in the rain. we were marching back. and a tour bus drove by and the tourists were all looking down from the bus. a lady had a poor thing look on her face. =) cool eh. poor korean soldiers. hahahah~~~ any way we returned home! i love it back home! i lost 2 toe nails! first time! but it didnt hurt at all. =/ i wonder why. i'm sick of it. do you realise that it has almost been a year since i've been out? i'm slowly goning crazy i think. i cant stand the life in here. it is so damn gay. i hate going for trainings. i wanna go home! i hate cleaning my gun after the training and live firing. i'm dragging my gun around. sometimes k. i'm starting to get weighed down by the weight. hahahaha~ i suddenly forgot how to spell weighed. i was thinking for quite sometime. hahahah~ how gay. i gtg!

pouts

2008-07-23T12:51:00.004+08:00

do u still rem tt we were talkin last sun before u went in fr trainin??
but we both forgot smt!! *pouts* how did we forget darlin? u did n i did too!!
is it not becomin important anymore? or is it becoz we're apart n time seems almost a blur now..

hahah! but i forgiv u! coz i forgot too!! oh no! but u better better not forget next mth's one! its super duper uper important! like rilly rilly impt k!! so i'm warnin u in advance first pupbear!!

btw, last sun was our anniversary!!
i'll dedicate maroon's 5 sun morn to u! coz it's my favouritest song! n u're my favouritest too!! hahah! *kisses my baby n hugs him tightly!!*

happy belated 2 yrs n xx mths baby !!!

pls fill in e xx!!! u better noe e ans!! juz becoz we both forgot doesn't mean i'm nt testin u still! haha! pls giv me e ans by this sat wen u're back!!

i love you a lil n a lot more!

2008-07-02T12:59:00.001+08:00

i love it, it's so laid back n pretty...my kinda song fr an evening at e park, a nite by the pool, or juz snugglin up to u in bed
it's sad thou if u pay attention to e lyrics

2008-06-28T23:37:00.001+08:00

ooo somebody is tryin to be funny ar!!
baby! pls call me soon! i miss hearin ur voice!!!!!!!
call me soon js!!
i feel like bitin u!!!
gees! i miss e times wen i cld juz pick up e fone
n dial ur number noein i'd hear ur voice in e matter of seconds!
tt was such a luxury en!
i miss u!

2008-06-23T11:51:00.001+08:00

dun worry js
i'm bringin down e blog as well
guess u dun wish to noe how i'm doin or wadsoeva
coz u had all e time in e world to fool ard wif e damn comp
and nt enuff time fr me
no worries, checkin out our blog will be the least of ur worries now

2008-06-19T15:23:00.004+08:00

i dunoe wad i'm feelin
i guess certain days juz finds u down, empty, and aimless
maybe i'm goin thru an early life crisis, haha, maybe nth tt serious,
maybe i juz reliased tt i'm 20 alr, and it's time to self-reflect on my life
or maybe i'm juz upset wif myself coz i haven really done ath,
i've been lettin myself down, i need to do smt
start taking things seriously, and achieve wad i set out to do fr once
one step at a time, i wanna be a better person, a greater person
i need help, guidance, but most importantly
i need to help myself
maybe it's time to turn back to god
i dunoe, i feel bad tt i'm lazy to go back to him
tt i'm almost comfortable bein a backslider
maybe tt's wad tt has been naggin at me
i juz wanna acheive great things
isn't tt more of a personal interest?
wad interest does god hav fr me en?
my interest of such are superficial as compared to his i guess
i juz wanna do well in sch, get a great job, earn lotsa money,a man i can share my life with, look pretty, be happy,
i wan my loved ones to be happy too
i sound so shallow almost

i juz wanna be happy, content, and live my life that is deservin of a place in ur kingdom,
even en, it's only becoz i'm scared i'd end up in hell
sigh, help me see

2008-06-12T14:22:00.002+08:00

i realized tt i never told u abt this song, it's still one of my favs
coz it's so hauntingly beautiful, raw, and symbolic to me

Oasis--stop crying your heart out

Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone

i rem how i used to listen to this song
on repeat on my runs durin e dec rain
the slight chill in e evening
e dampness in e air
and e rain
i can still rem e sensations so clearly
my shallow breaths
e cold winds
e warm tears
e dull ache in my chest
i'd run till the skies turned black
i'd run till there was nth left of me
and tt's wen i'd let it all out
and cry
juz cry
at our very own spot

i still love this song, even though it brings back hurtful memories,
becoz it represents smt tt i've gone thru, tt we've gone thru, and i am stronger now
i dun blame u or myself, coz i've learned to see those days as my lessons in life
and it's smt i wldn't change
but most importantly i'm thankful
i'm thankful tt i still got you,i love you

we've alr lost each other once,we're not gonna lose each other again

2008-06-10T16:05:00.002+08:00

dearest baby!
how r u sweetheart!!
my birthday is comin!!!! wad r u gonna do fr me sweetheart!
sigh! i'll be turnin 20 soon! hahaha! we were only 17 en,teenagers! and now! we're friggin 20!!!
time is passin so quickly innit!
i love you baby! tc!! blog soon!

2008-06-04T11:04:00.002+08:00

AHN JAE SUNG!
this blog is goin stagnant coz of ur invalid absence!
u better do smt soooooooon!
ooo! i miss u! i think i'm fallin sick!! my body feels tired and achy!! i reckon i need to slp soon! call call me soon! coz i miss you!
i miss dancin! u said tt u neva really got e chance to see me dance, fr all e times tt u managed to see me dance, wad did u feel baby? do u like seein me dance? hahah! i juz realised i neva danced so much fr u at all! i will dance fr you wen u're back k! only u!

2008-05-28T15:30:00.002+08:00

dearest AJS!!
i miss you i miss you!!!!
i hav so many things i wanna do this hols!! huiping n i are gonna sign up for some korean class at tampines cc! and i'm gonna start ballet classes wif alvina nana on sundays!! and durin july! i'm gonna take random unlimited hiphop! street jazz! poppin and lockin dance classes!! this sounds so much fun! i'll get to dance my hols away!!! if only eth goes as planned! this wld be my ideal holiday! lotsa dancin till you come home to me!!! i love you sugar!! i wonder if u've read the blog! post something up k!!
kisses my baby and hugs him super tightly!!!

2008-05-20T22:08:00.002+08:00

jaesung baby!
i miss you terribly! i wonder how u're doin sweetheart!! how was the trip to e jungle baby!
i miss you!!! i miss you!!! did u hav fun! did you suffer baby? i hope u're fine!! i hope you survived well! i love you! i can't wait for you to come back baby!! i cant wait!!!
i wanan hug hug you!!
r we really gonna spend christmas tgh in korea!!! can u come out fr five days en fly back to spore wif me fr the next 5 days!!! i wanna spend every mmt wif you!!

2008-05-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

happy two years and 9 mths baby! i hope u're doin fine in the jungle! take care baby!

2008-05-06T15:13:00.003+08:00

I miss our lil bus journeys

your side profile as u look upon the oncomin traffic
your shoulder against mine
your scent as i lean into e nape of your neck
the way you held my hands gently in yours
the passing trees
the whirrin cars
the steady rise and fall of ur chest
lulling me to slp

2008-04-22T10:31:00.001+08:00

happy belated 2 years and 8 mths anniversary!!

i'm missing you..

2008-04-10T17:35:00.002+08:00

HAHAHAHAH!
when will you blog baby!! i miss you i miss you!!

i hav e new fav song! Goodbye Mr. A by the hoosiers

If life is subtraction
Your number is up
Your love is a fraction
It's not adding up...

It's so fun to sing along!

2008-03-26T11:54:00.002+08:00

baby baby baby baby baby!!!
i had a migraine attack yest! *pouts* but u were nt here to make me feel better!
u always had a way to make me feel better =) i miss you!
and i gave a short speech yest abt autism, in particular, autistic savants.
and i ended it wif a quote from inspirational autistic savant kim peek, which the movie " rain man" is based upon.

" you don't have to be handicapped to be different, because everyone is different."

2008-03-15T22:26:00.002+08:00

volatile it is this noun we call feelings
if only we could put a real definition to it
for they come and go like the ebb and flow of the tides
hot and cold like the weather
completely unpredictable and totally unforeseeable
it leaves u high n dry
sweeps you off ur feet
overwhelms you
and the next thing u noe u've fallen head over heels
or flat on ur face
effervescence it is

2008-03-12T13:54:00.002+08:00

can't take my eyes off you still reminds me of you every single time

i miss you! baby! my dance performance is comin up!! i'll try o record it down and upload it here or smt k! if u're readin this its prob becoz u've managed to transfer to another campsite!!! pls blog sooon!

2008-02-25T15:42:00.002+08:00

it's amazing how we can't do without feelings
how we can't go thru the motions of life without feelin
if only we could, but wld that naturally be the for the best?
as much as it'd help to do without anger, pain, guilt, and regret
there is never unnecessary sadness as there is to happiness;
for without the existence of either, we'd never be able to fully comprehend being at either ends of the spectrum, be it the bitterness and hate that consumes one's soul or the happiness that love liberates.
we can't do without either, it's only inevitable then that some hav liken emotions to a double-edged sword.
i guess it's only innate tt we feel..
it keeps us in touch wif our inner chords,acutely aware of our conscious, it keeps us grounded to the things that matter the most...

so baby, how're you feelin today?

2008-02-22T19:50:00.003+08:00

true love isn't about finding the perfect person but learnin to love an imperfect person perfectly

and since no one is born perfect, the quest to find a perfect partner is clearly impossible innit?
we can only learn to accept an imperfect person and learn to make the best of it thru time, patience and effort from both parties!

ooo i had another epiphany abt love!

2008-01-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

i miss you terribly jaesung
its amazing thou, how time really flies sometimes
it's comin to e end of jan soon
tts pretty scary innit
but it also makes me happier coz
each passin day brings me closer
to the day u're comin back
thou sometimes i feel like time can't seem to pass enuff
till u're back in my arms
i love you and i miss you babe, do you too?

2008-01-23T13:58:00.000+08:00

jaesung, i miss you terribly...

ppl are always looking for assurance, seeking approval
wen act all the answers they are looking for can be from within
u dun havta care wad ppl might say, for they might put u down and dash ur hopes,
but all tt really matters lies within urself, coz at e end of the day
u dun havta answer to anyone but urself
so a decision made shd be based on ur own will, ur own belief
i dunoe if my decision to wait is one based on foolishness and denial or my stubborn beliefs
but until i noe wad it is, i will wait for you, coz i still believe in this love, so dun tell me tt it's a waste of time, or tt i'm only runnin away from e inevitable, coz i still believe, so until i noe wad i truly need, juz let me wait fr you

2008-01-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

i miss you jaesung, i still do
i still think of you, why jaesung, why are you doin this to me?
why is the man i love the most the one who's also hurtin me the most?
why? i still love you, i still love you so so much
why dun u love me anymore? why isn't it enuff?
i gave you ten reasons to love me again, ten reasons fr us to try again,
but i guess that one reason was all u act eva needed,
dun u love me?
i can't stop hurtin and i can't stop cryin
i run to our spot, tracin the route we used to take tgh, but now i sit alone at our spot
why aren't u wif me anymore
why hav u left me behind, why dun u wan me anymore

2008-01-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

jaesung,
i wonder how u're doin...
hav u learnt to move on alr?
hav u put my letters, our pictures and gifts aside?
do u hurt?
do u miss me? do you even think of me?
do u still find urself havin to stop urself from talkin abt me wen smt happens n it reminds u of me?
or hav u completely moved on now?
will u bother to want to know how i'm doin now as u're readin this?
or maybe u won't even be readin this, coz u hav nth to do wif me now
there is nth linkin us tgh now, i'm nt yours anymore, and neither are u mine
why wld u wanna know how i'm doin rite
why wld u care if i start datin ard
why wld u care even if i still do last min studyin
why wld u care if i'm happy or not

2008-01-04T01:33:00.000+08:00

i thot i was brave enuff to let u go
i still can't
i can't imagine tt u'd be loving someone else who isn't me
tt someday u'd piggyback some other gal who isnt me
tt someday u'd hold some other gal in ur arms so tightly,
tt someday u'd whisper in her ear tt you thot she was e best thing tt eva happened to you
it hurts jaesung, it hurts to noe tt i'll neva be tt gal again
i thot i was strong enuff
i'm not, i'm not
all this talk abt learnin to let u go, is nth butl a lie, a lie tt i can't tell myself anymore

2008-01-03T12:02:00.000+08:00

when u truly love someone so deeply,
they become your life, your soul, your entire entity,
you learn to give,to give with your whole heart
you learn to love,to love unbridledly with no conditions
and you learn to let go, to set him free
maybe these words are spoken with feigned courage
maybe someday this facade of bravery will mould into reality
in time, i will noe wad my heart truly wants
in time, i will only look back and reminsce the good times
but for now, for now i will learn to let you go
it hurts to know this is where we'll end
that the only memories we'll hav are those of the past
but i truly believe if you should return to me,
then we truly were meant to be
so live for me, but most importantly live for yourself
spread your wings and prepare to fly
fly freely and strongly into the sky
fly with brio and flourish in life's beauty
for i will hold you back no longer

2008-01-02T12:05:00.000+08:00

how can u forget jaesung, tell me, tis love that we shared
is it so hard juz to love me, is lovin me so hard?
dun u rem? rem e times when u loved me enuff?
the times wen u held me in ur arms so tightly and told me u cldn't believe that i was act urs?
the times wen u thot u were so lucky tt u found me?
why hav i stopped matterin to u? when did u stop marvellin in e fact tt i was ur gal?
u said tt u've given me ur shiny heart alr, tt u'll only have me, tt u'll only wan me, tt u dun need anyone else but me, u said u'd come back fr me, u promised to love me, u said u cldn't bear to leave me eva again, u said u'll miss my pretty face, tt u'll miss huggin me to slp,even till now, i juz wan u to take me back i juz wan u to love me again,i can't let go, how can i move on?
i keep rememberin, i'm so scared i'd forget ur scent, why? how can u do this to me? when did i stop matterin to u? when did i stop matterin, when did u realise u cld let me go , tt i wasn't ur babylove anymore, tt i wasn't ur pretty petty princess, tt i wasn't important to u anymore..it hurts jaesung, why is tt u can be one who decides when this ends, to decide tt u cld stop lovin me, wad am i goin to do? wad am i goin to do wif these memories? wad am i suppose to do? tell me jaesung? wad am i suppose to do wen i walk past the places we used to go? wad am i suppose to do? wad am i suppose to do wen i'm still hurtin so much? tt everywhere i go and everything i do still reminds me of you.. wad am i suppose to do jaesung, when ur name, ur name still can mean everything to me...love me jaesung, pls juz love me again,pls, i'm beggin u to love me, why why why, hav i stoppped matterin to u? why won't u juz love me..why won't u love me anymore

2007-12-27T11:05:00.000+08:00

jaesung,
i'm so scared, i've never felt so horrible before
i'm looking forward to ur call and yet i'm so afriaid i'd rather u not call at all
coz i'm so scared, scared tt u'd tell me we can't try, tt we can't work things out
i'm fervently hopin, i keep hopin that wadeva you're gonna tell me, tt i'd be able to convince you, that wen we end that phone conversation tonite, u'll tell me we can work things out.
coz if u're gonna tell me tt it will juz havta end, i dun think i can accept tt, i dunoe how many phonecalls i'd need before i can finally move on, why, why does it havta be liddat, why did i havta make it so hard, i really hope jaesung, tt u'd say we can work things out, coz i can't handle ath else, i can't, i can't

2007-12-24T10:59:00.000+08:00

i see it now, it's only looking at all my past entries that i see it so clearly
that in this realationship, it was me who was always e one unhappy, that i always had smt to say about you, that i always had to find problems in our relationship, i realize now that not once you complained. it was always me, it was always me tryin to find a problem out of nth, always me tellin you tt u cldn't make me happy. i didn't see, i cldn't see, that if anyone was makin me unhappy, it was myself. why didn't i see it jaesung, why didn't you tell me? why did you let me put you down? why did you believe eth tt i said? why did you take it all in? all those hurtful stuff i said? why did you take it all in without defending yourself?? is it too late now? too late now tt i finally see? i wanna tell u jaesung, tell u that i'm sorry, i truly am..
that you really tried to make me happy, that you really did for the past two years, but tt it was me, i cldn't see, i cldn't see that you really did love me, that you were willing to try to make me happy, i cldn't see..

2007-12-24T10:21:00.000+08:00

It's christmas's eve, do you still rem how we spent our first xmas tgh?
we were counting down at orchard road and busy sprayin foam at everyone else.
i still rem eth so clearly, tt was two yrs ago..
do you still rem our last xmas then?
we fought, i stil rem, we met at pasir ris mrt, and you shouted at me infront of everyone, it was juz a mistake on ur part, but we were too prideful, the both of us, i shd hav walked up to u to hear an explantion at least, but i juz walked out on u, i didn't see then tt u had actually lug a big plastic bag ard fr me. sealopom is a yr old now, i didn't even realise, did you? another yr has passed, juz liddat, but things aren't e same btwn us anymore.
i wonder how u are feeling rite now on this very same day, r u reminiscing our past as well? or hav u learnt to move on alr?

chiristmas wldn't be e same without u..

2007-12-21T11:51:00.000+08:00

pls fight fr me jaesung, pls, i'm asking you to fight fr me,
what happened to us?
how did we end up here?
how did we end up liddat?
how could u even hav e heart to send out tt letter?
didn't you noe how heartbroken i'd be?
didn't you noe how upset i'd be?
why? why jaesung?

did i tell u tt i was working js? tt i'm workin at singapore pools now?
tt i handle customer enquries, you asked me in the letter, so casually,
" hey liting, how have you been doin?" how cld u sound so cold, so indifferent
i'm tellin u now jaesung, i'm nt fine, i'm nt okay, i walk ard feeling like i can breakdown any moment. i walk ard on e verge of tears. and every single lil thing i do reminds me of you. everywhere i go, i see you, even the littlest things can trigger these tears. i'm so afraid, i'm so scared. i dowan to meet anybody, i dowan to see anyone. i juz wan you to love me again.

2007-12-21T08:29:00.000+08:00

why did you let me go... why?
i dun understand, i refuse to believe you'd let me go
i dun believe you'd let me go, why?
am i not worth fightin for?
am i not good enuff?
why?
shd i accept the fact that you dun love me enuff tt's why you've chosen to let me go?
shd i accept that i'm nt good enuff fr you to love me tt u'd fight to keep me by ur side?
why?
it hurts jaesung, it hurts so much
why did you let me go, i still wanna believe that you love me enuff, i still wanna believe that you'd come back and tell me tt it was all a mistake, i wanna believe that you'll come back, tell me tt you're sorry, that you'd neva break my heart liddat again, that you'd always love me, that u'd always promised to fight for me to keep me by your side, that you'll neva eva let me go again

why jaesung, why? dun u love me anymore?

2007-12-19T14:37:00.000+08:00

i dunoe wads ur reason, or excuse this time
i dunoe wad explanation u'll hav fr me
i'm juz tired,
tired of waitin
tired of nt noeing
it's been a almost a mth since i last received any letter from you
i haven heard from u in a long time now
r u even aware of the time lapse btwn us now?
r u aware of the growing distance btwn us?
it doesn't even feel like we're tgh anymore

2007-12-13T16:36:00.000+08:00

For you, a thousand times over...

will you be my kite runner always?

2007-12-12T16:50:00.001+08:00

i still love you so so much

i still love you

i do

2007-12-10T13:40:00.000+08:00

it's been rainin a lot lately
it's the rainy season again
the brewing storms
the overcast skies
the gloomy weather

i dunoe wad i'm feelin either
i haven been feelin ath in particular
maybe i've managed to keep thots of you at bay
maybe i've managed to numb myself
i dunoe, i didn't cry wen you didn't call yest, maybe i'm learnin to expect disappoinments
i really dunoe
am i learnin to move on?
am i learnin to let go?
or hav i simply stopped feelin?

2007-12-04T15:01:00.000+08:00

Jae Sung,
i dunoe when you'd read this
i dunoe if by the time u're readin this, wld i hav learnt to move on or wld we still be tgh
i'm sorry i had to ask you to make a decision, but i wldn't have been happy either if i had juz ignored what i was feeling, we cld hav been tgh longer, but wad's e point in being tgh if i'm nt happy

I sent out the letter yest,
i'm juz waitin fr your reply now
I dunoe if you'd choose to let us go, or rather fight to keep me by your side
I'm still hoping you'd choose to fight fr me, i'm still hoping you'd wanna show me tt you can be the one, i really dunoe
I guess it can really go both ways
I'm scared that you'd giv up on us,
i'm not ready for that, honestly

i dunoe how long i'd havta wait before i can think of you and not find tears in my eyes
How long it'd take before i can walk by the places we used to frequent wo being flooded by all these painful memories
how long before i can stop cryin myself to sleep

I'm really not strong enuff to let you go just yet
but if you can't fight for me, then there's really no point in waitin en
my world will crumble, i will cry,i will probably take a very long time to get over you,
my life will most probably neva be the same again,nth will eva be the same again.
my heart might heal, or neva.
but i will juz havta learn to move on

2007-12-02T10:34:00.000+08:00

why is it that even after talkin, i still feel like nth's been addressed

i'm nt sure
i dunoe wad i'm feelin either
tell me where i shd go from here
shd i wait or shd i let go?

2007-11-29T21:05:00.000+08:00

i'm suddenly worried abt so many things, how i'd do fr my exams n all
i found a job,thou i'm nt really lkin forward to it
wad if i'm holdin on for all the wrong reasons
wad if i'm holdin on becoz of my belief that my first love will be my true love and only love
wad if the only reason i'm holdin is becoz i dowan to believe that i've been wrong abt the one
wad if i'm holdin on becoz it's less painful than lettin you go

it'd be painful to let you go
but it's tiring to keep holdin on

2007-11-26T13:35:00.000+08:00

why do you choose to ignore the fact that i'm hurtin
how can you turn the other cheek noeing that i'm upset
i've tried telling you on so many occassions, the letters that i write, dun you see? i'm neva happy
you dun hear the sadness once the line is dead, you dun feel the pain behind my words
wad can i do to make you see, to make you understand

what i've always believed in love, you've dismissed as nothing.
i've always believed in the one, it's eth i've eva envisioned love to be.
i'm not thinkin too much, it hurts to noe that i may hav never been the one for you,
all ur previous reassurances are naught but a subterfuge.
a love built on two different ideas of love.

how do i continue waiting for a man who will find the one eventually, the one who isn't me

2007-11-03T17:59:00.000+08:00

baby, i dreamt of you...
i woke up believin you were back again
i noe it sounds dumb
but ya, i miss you
i hav tests and exams comin up,sighh..
i'm juz wishin time would pass quickly
and tt each passing moment would only bring you closer to me
i miss you
it's alr november,but sometimes time can't seem to pass fast enuff for me
i love you so so much
but why is it that i can't help feelin insecure
so unsure
almost lost
make me believe
help me believe

2007-10-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

i thot i was doing fine
i thot i was coping fine
i guess not
i'm not any stronger than i was e day u left
it still hurts so much
i lk at your pics everynite before i go to bed, they're the closest things i hav next to you
if only slp cld make this pain go away, but even it eludes me
i'd love to slp and not wake foreva, till u're back to wake me,
to wake me from this misery.
maybe it is the night, the night always gets to me, particularly as i lie awake in bed
i see my room illuminated quietly from the streetlights outside my window
i hear the soft rythmic breathing of my sister in a sweet slumber that eludes me,
and i feel more alone than eva. it feels like i'm the only aware of ath now, aware of the occasional motorist speeding by on the otherwise now empty roads, the way the shadows shift on e ceiling, aware of this growing numbing pain in my chest, this pain that consumes me. i'm afraid to cry out loud, even though i noe no one noes i am hurting inside now,but i juz dun wish for anyone to noe. and come tomorrow,hopefully no one wld even notice the episode from last nite. i wish i cld disappear sometimes, and not exist, juz for a moment, i wish i cld stop feeling.

2007-10-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

i'm still waitin fr ur letter...
i feel so pathetic..
i didn't go to sch tday,i dunoe,maybe i was sick,or maybe i was simply too tired to get out of bed
i watched the brave one, it's really nice
i finshed the chocolatier game, i uncovered all e recipes and made e finest truffles and infusions!
ok.so my life is pretty boring now
i juz dowan to do ath really
i feel lazy

2007-10-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

baby, you called tday, juz wen i was missing you so so terribly, i'm startin to believe that if you wish fr smt hard enuff, it juz might come true...but you hung up all too soon,and burst my bubble..
i'm sorry i had dance, and i missed ur calls, i noe you left me a msg, but its so muffled i cldn't hear ath, save fr the "i love you i love you i love you" you said at the end...baby, i love you too

i wanna hear frm u soon again...i need to, i'm gonna start wishin on e next star now!

2007-10-02T19:29:00.000+08:00

oh no! i think i've put on wt honey! i can feel it! i can see it! pouts!! how how! it's all ur fault!!!

i miss you terribly...it felt almost juz like yest that you were right here beside me...
i miss e excitement that runs down my spine weneva i was gonna meet you!
e adenaline rush juz moments before seeing you, and e happiness tt fills my chest wen i fall right into your embrace! i miss u sweetheart! very very much! wen will ur letters reach me..i need to hear smt from you...

2007-09-27T11:18:00.000+08:00

i dunoe wad it is...
i'm actually quite comfortable wif my current routine..thou it does feel like precious time is slippin right thru my fingers, i shd be doin smt to grasp it,empower it..but no..i actually enjoy being in this solitude, it almost feels like i'm in my own solitary world, i like my solitude, my me time, i dun hav to put on a mask and pretend tt i'm this and tt in front of eveyrone else, its nice to be alone sometimes, nt tt socialising is bad, i like it, but it juz gets tiring sometimes u noe..coz it isn't juz abt you anymore wen u're ard ppl, i think there's smt wrong wif me...but it neva felt tt way wif you,i neva felt it was tirin to be ard you, coz i neva had to pretend. you've seen e ugliest and most unflatterin sides of me. i doubt my frens will eva wanna see me tt way, nt tt i'd even dare to reveal tt part of me to em, they'd juz hate me, they prob can't stand me en. but nt you. i've act stayed home fr almost e entire week,quite a feat huh, i didn't bother to go fr dance camps or e outings wif my frens...you're probably angry wif me rite now, coz i noe you'd wan me to go out there n be happy, but i juz can't, not for now at least..i dunoe wad it is, juz call it my emo phase no. 2

i love you still thou, u noe, i've neva stopped loving you

2007-09-25T18:46:00.000+08:00

hey baby,
i'm so happy that you blogged! you're so adorable! thank you sweetheart! you shd blog more often ya! you blogged at that lan shop near ur camp rite? the town...darling,i miss you so so much! i feel so lonely now, and empty, i feel like smt's wrong, smt tt i can't quite put my finger on..it's this heaviness in my chest,this uneasiness tt's weighin me down,i juz wanna breathe wif ease,i dunoe wad's wrong wif me,smt is juz wrong...and i juz wish you were here to make me feel better, you make me feel safe,and protected..i miss you darlin,i juz wan you beside me again...did i tell u wad a slob i've become! its all your fault! i've been eatin a lot eva since you came to visit really! i'm gettin fat! i think you're gonna get fat too! coz wen it gets cold there,u're so gonna eat more korean snacks! like the chip choc cookies! and instant noodles right from e packet! and you're juz gonna fall aslp while standin up doin guard duty, and brusin your knees coz you buckle and hit em against e wall! hahah! pls stay alert fr me sweetheart! be safe fr me! i hope you rem to apply some lipbalm coz ur lips r gonna get dry and chapped..stay warm too ya,i wanna see you in ur russian fur cap, i dun think it's gay shit! i think u'd lk very cute in it,coz you lk so adorable wif ur beanie alr! you korean army guys r gay shit! haha! did you bring in ur skin n lotion!? gees...hahah! darlin ar,come back soon coz babylove misses her pupbear terribly..
i love you,always

i'll be back real soon!!

2007-09-23T14:25:00.000+08:00

hello ho liting dear!!! oOoOo... it's my first time blogging. heh! why are u using chim words now? i cant understand them n i have no way to find out the meaning. what are u trying to do?? pricking my ego?!?! ok whatever(wadeva for u). yup time jus flew by like tat. i'm abu to book in now. OMG... how am i going to stand waking up at 3 am?!?! it's getting freaking cold in the night too!!! can u imagine me leaning against the wall stoning buffed up with 5 layers of clothes n i wouldnt be wearing a helmet, i'll be wearing a fur cap. u know the ones the russians wear?? so gay right. let me tell you wat i heard. 1st layer= underwear, 2nd layer= another set of underwear, 3rd layer= camo uniform, 4th layer= kk i dun know the names in english. u get the idea now??? well i was so happy to see u! like i missed u so much! n i finally got to hold ur hands n hug u! it was so nice to have seen u even though it was only a short time. hahahahaha!!! i suddebly remed how stoopid u were when i first called u. like " freaking notice the phone no.!!!!" n u didnt even get angry tat i kept calling u dumb!! hahahah! u only gave me ur "i'm a poor thing" tone of voice. it was so so damn cute! i'll miss tat voice too! we had so much fun at sentosa! i havent had tat much fun in a really long time baby, thanks for planning it. i actually did plan on bringing u to sentosa but i jus didnt know how k. u had ur frens to help. thank you the romantic dinner on the cable car baby! i know u spent a lot effort n time!!! it was so romantic until someone had to keep finishing the water n farting. n we both know deep down WHO did them to ruin an otherwise romantic dinner! OoOoOoo... i dun wan to stop writing but i have to go soon. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. i miss u loads honey n i love u a lot more. pls study hard n take care of yourself k. consistent work baby!!! 1 step at a time, then u can have it easy k. dun be stoopid n feel insecure n stuff cos i love u! work hard n play hard! oh btw i dare u to go to a movie alone! tell me what it feels like. hahahahahahaha! seriously. some peeps may tink you're weird n a loner. ByEbYe!!! i still rem u telling me byebye looks cuter than bye bye. i love u! byebye!! see u real soon!

2007-09-22T09:18:00.000+08:00

honey, i woke up this morning noeing you're no longer here..the past few days seem to have passed in a flurry,a phatasmagoria of fun filled days, lazy moments, our stoopid squabbles intertwined and blended into one indistinguishable perfect dream, it felt almost too good to be true..

i rem wen you called me on sunday morning,i almost cldn't believe it wen you told me u were back..i miss you so so much alr baby, you're so adorable baby, i can't believe u're actually subcumbing to peer pressure in there sweetheart,well you only hav urself to blame fr goin overboard with the boastin..hahah! men and their ego! honey ar! it's ok,wen u're back e next time we'll go on a shoppin spree ya!! i love you i love you! you'll always hav my heart too

2007-09-15T21:15:00.000+08:00

sigh..i wonder why you still hav nt called me, it's alr a sat.. pouts..i thot your 100 days confinement period is up alr?? do you noe e last time you called me it was the 15th of aug, it's exactly one mth since i last heard ur voice..sigh, i miss you terribly...
i dunoe if i shd post e letters out yet either since i dunoe if you're still gonna be at e dmz, the add you gave me is e add correspondin to ur campsite rite? or no? or is it our granpapa's place? will you still be situtated at the border thru out e next two yrs en?? there's so many things i wanna noe,and need to noe honey, i juz want to hear your voice...

i wanna visit you darlin, if only you cld come back, how i wish i cld fly over to see you baby, i miss you so so much! will you be able to come out next june? wad if you can't?? i can't even think wad'd happen en, i think i'd ask my dajie to fly over wif me to see you en! e one yr mark is all i'm lkin at now! time is passing so agonizingly slow wo you, the days seem like years in your absence...darlin, i love you so so much, i juz wanna see you now!

i'm feelin so sian now! i hav phy test on mon! gees, phy is so horrible! esp wif tt irritating china prof zao yang! he's so angsty alla time! like some pms freak liddat! and i've lifescience test on mon too! materials science on tues! and photography on wed! busy busy wk! but i'm havin a one wk recess after tt! if only u cld fly back en! or me goin over! i wanna see you! i wanna see you! do you feel e same darlin?

i love you pupbear! always!

2007-09-12T21:40:00.000+08:00

Darling,
i reckon you'd be out really soon! so maybe you can finally read all the previous entries!
sorry if they sound so depressing and sad,but they're true reflections of my feelings en..
baby,thank you for writin to me, you hav no idea how much happier you've made me, your letters were the most honest form of flattery to me, your simple words of sincerity touched my soul, it almost felt like u were there right beside me...you still noe me so well darling, you noe tt i've a habit of fallin aslp on buses, i still do. you noe tt i enjoy dressing in many diff styles, i still do andro btw honey. i miss you so so much baby, i've neva felt such deep longing, such intense forlorn...sometimes i'll look up at e clear blue sky and feel e warmth on my skin and rem your scent, tt goofy smile of yours, your big hair, your red lips, your single eyelid eyes, do you still smell e same sweetheart? sometimes all i wish for is to bury myself in your arms once more, crumble in your strong embrace,snuggle up to you and bask in your scent and warmth...i love you daring,always..
sometimes i find tt even these three simple words 'i love you' dun suffice in conveying this surge of happiness tt swells in my heart weneva i think of you, it's this overwhelming feeling tt overflows and floods my entire soul with such sweet intoxicating instatiable longing,it consumes me with such ferocious passion till i'm throughly spent and yet i find myself wanting more, more of you.. honey baby, i guess these three words will juz havta do fr now coz i dunoe how else to tell you simply tt " i love you"

2007-08-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

today, i got my hair cut
she still rems you too, you noe
going back brings back so many memories
and as we traced the journey we took en,eth lil thing reminded me of you
the bus stop we squabbled at, bus 88, peach bubble tea, ben n jerrys

i miss you

i need you because i love you

2007-08-24T16:21:00.000+08:00

I find my thoughts drifting to you unconciously,
almost inevitably, you fill my mind..
it's hard not to think abt you when eth i do reminds me of you
you used to make my heart skip a beat.
you took my breath away
i cld smile juz listenin to your voice alone.
i used to feel so alive..

Somehow,nth i do now feels right.
there's always smt amiss.
smt missing in my life
i wake up noein tt i'm spendin my day alone
sometimes i juz wanna run away and hide
cower in a corner and cry my heart out
where no one will see me, or hear me

2007-08-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

Love is not only an emotion, it is a decision. You can't force it and can't control who you love, but when you have that connection with someone you can decide to keep it and grow it and nurture it no matter how far apart you are.

it made so much sense suddenly, you'll always be the king of my heart