jaesung,
i'm so scared, i've never felt so horrible before
i'm looking forward to ur call and yet i'm so afriaid i'd rather u not call at all
coz i'm so scared, scared tt u'd tell me we can't try, tt we can't work things out
i'm fervently hopin, i keep hopin that wadeva you're gonna tell me, tt i'd be able to convince you, that wen we end that phone conversation tonite, u'll tell me we can work things out.
coz if u're gonna tell me tt it will juz havta end, i dun think i can accept tt, i dunoe how many phonecalls i'd need before i can finally move on, why, why does it havta be liddat, why did i havta make it so hard, i really hope jaesung, tt u'd say we can work things out, coz i can't handle ath else, i can't, i can't

i see it now, it's only looking at all my past entries that i see it so clearly
that in this realationship, it was me who was always e one unhappy, that i always had smt to say about you, that i always had to find problems in our relationship, i realize now that not once you complained. it was always me, it was always me tryin to find a problem out of nth, always me tellin you tt u cldn't make me happy. i didn't see, i cldn't see, that if anyone was makin me unhappy, it was myself. why didn't i see it jaesung, why didn't you tell me? why did you let me put you down? why did you believe eth tt i said? why did you take it all in? all those hurtful stuff i said? why did you take it all in without defending yourself?? is it too late now? too late now tt i finally see? i wanna tell u jaesung, tell u that i'm sorry, i truly am..
that you really tried to make me happy, that you really did for the past two years, but tt it was me, i cldn't see, i cldn't see that you really did love me, that you were willing to try to make me happy, i cldn't see..

It's christmas's eve, do you still rem how we spent our first xmas tgh?
we were counting down at orchard road and busy sprayin foam at everyone else.
i still rem eth so clearly, tt was two yrs ago..
do you still rem our last xmas then?
we fought, i stil rem, we met at pasir ris mrt, and you shouted at me infront of everyone, it was juz a mistake on ur part, but we were too prideful, the both of us, i shd hav walked up to u to hear an explantion at least, but i juz walked out on u, i didn't see then tt u had actually lug a big plastic bag ard fr me. sealopom is a yr old now, i didn't even realise, did you? another yr has passed, juz liddat, but things aren't e same btwn us anymore.
i wonder how u are feeling rite now on this very same day, r u reminiscing our past as well? or hav u learnt to move on alr?

chiristmas wldn't be e same without u..

pls fight fr me jaesung, pls, i'm asking you to fight fr me,
what happened to us?
how did we end up here?
how did we end up liddat?
how could u even hav e heart to send out tt letter?
didn't you noe how heartbroken i'd be?
didn't you noe how upset i'd be?
why? why jaesung?

did i tell u tt i was working js? tt i'm workin at singapore pools now?
tt i handle customer enquries, you asked me in the letter, so casually,
" hey liting, how have you been doin?" how cld u sound so cold, so indifferent
i'm tellin u now jaesung, i'm nt fine, i'm nt okay, i walk ard feeling like i can breakdown any moment. i walk ard on e verge of tears. and every single lil thing i do reminds me of you. everywhere i go, i see you, even the littlest things can trigger these tears. i'm so afraid, i'm so scared. i dowan to meet anybody, i dowan to see anyone. i juz wan you to love me again.

why did you let me go... why?
i dun understand, i refuse to believe you'd let me go
i dun believe you'd let me go, why?
am i not worth fightin for?
am i not good enuff?
why?
shd i accept the fact that you dun love me enuff tt's why you've chosen to let me go?
shd i accept that i'm nt good enuff fr you to love me tt u'd fight to keep me by ur side?
why?
it hurts jaesung, it hurts so much
why did you let me go, i still wanna believe that you love me enuff, i still wanna believe that you'd come back and tell me tt it was all a mistake, i wanna believe that you'll come back, tell me tt you're sorry, that you'd neva break my heart liddat again, that you'd always love me, that u'd always promised to fight for me to keep me by your side, that you'll neva eva let me go again

why jaesung, why? dun u love me anymore?

i dunoe wads ur reason, or excuse this time
i dunoe wad explanation u'll hav fr me
i'm juz tired,
tired of waitin
tired of nt noeing
it's been a almost a mth since i last received any letter from you
i haven heard from u in a long time now
r u even aware of the time lapse btwn us now?
r u aware of the growing distance btwn us?
it doesn't even feel like we're tgh anymore

For you, a thousand times over...


will you be my kite runner always?

i still love you so so much

i still love you

i do

it's been rainin a lot lately
it's the rainy season again
the brewing storms
the overcast skies
the gloomy weather

i dunoe wad i'm feelin either
i haven been feelin ath in particular
maybe i've managed to keep thots of you at bay
maybe i've managed to numb myself
i dunoe, i didn't cry wen you didn't call yest, maybe i'm learnin to expect disappoinments
i really dunoe
am i learnin to move on?
am i learnin to let go?
or hav i simply stopped feelin?

Jae Sung,
i dunoe when you'd read this
i dunoe if by the time u're readin this, wld i hav learnt to move on or wld we still be tgh
i'm sorry i had to ask you to make a decision, but i wldn't have been happy either if i had juz ignored what i was feeling, we cld hav been tgh longer, but wad's e point in being tgh if i'm nt happy

I sent out the letter yest,
i'm juz waitin fr your reply now
I dunoe if you'd choose to let us go, or rather fight to keep me by your side
I'm still hoping you'd choose to fight fr me, i'm still hoping you'd wanna show me tt you can be the one, i really dunoe
I guess it can really go both ways
I'm scared that you'd giv up on us,
i'm not ready for that, honestly

i dunoe how long i'd havta wait before i can think of you and not find tears in my eyes
How long it'd take before i can walk by the places we used to frequent wo being flooded by all these painful memories
how long before i can stop cryin myself to sleep

I'm really not strong enuff to let you go just yet
but if you can't fight for me, then there's really no point in waitin en
my world will crumble, i will cry,i will probably take a very long time to get over you,
my life will most probably neva be the same again,nth will eva be the same again.
my heart might heal, or neva.
but i will juz havta learn to move on

why is it that even after talkin, i still feel like nth's been addressed

i'm nt sure
i dunoe wad i'm feelin either
tell me where i shd go from here
shd i wait or shd i let go?